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Saturday, November 6, 2010

Wuzzup With the Mixed Signals?

By Grace
This is a question that most of us women have pondered for years! Frankly, we are totally and absolutely confused by your actions and your words because you do one thing and say another. I understand that every man has a different personality type. Some like the chase…we’ll call them “players” because all they do is play games. They take a girl out, and before they even get to know her they have already summed up what they think they can get from her…and that becomes their mission. The less the girl puts out, the harder he will try. He just wants the thrill of pursuit. But if these are your intentions, well then good luck finding the right girl, because no girl wants to play these games. In her eyes, you are pursuing her because you like her, but in actuality you just want to get laid; might as well flat out admit your motives. That way, you’ll know right off the bat if she’s the type of girl you’re looking for.

Then there are guys who actually like a girl but will pretend to be not interested. Why? I wish I knew. Are you afraid of rejection? Who isn’t. What’s the worst that could happen? The other person doesn’t have the same feelings? So what, you move on to the next person. You live and you learn. But the worst thing you can do is be dishonest about the way you really feel. If you like a girl, be consistent. Let her know what you want and what you’re looking for. Chances are, she’s right there on the same page with you.

Even worse than the guy who is interested and acts the opposite is the guy who has NO INTENTIONS of having a relationship yet he still leads you on. I know plenty of guys like this. These are the guys who when they are single, want your attention and want to “date” you. But it seems like all the while, they are waiting for something better to come along and you will be dropped at the drop of a pin. This is the same guy who if he finds out you are seeing another guy will out of nowhere start to call and text you again. Why make plans and tell a girl you will take her out if you really don’t care to??? Either pursue an actual relationship with the girl or leave her alone. You are playing with her emotions and it’s not cool! Do us all a favor and make up your mind. While on the topic of men who are interested and pretend not to be, why do you do it in front of your friends? Do you think you have some type of macho image to uphold? I wonder if it’s a defense mechanism and you don’t want to look like a pussy in front of your friends. Don’t show me signs of not being interested in front of your friends but then act like no one else exists when we are alone!

I think part of the problem here is that in a lot of cases men just don’t know what they want. I guess this goes for men and women though. But since we are talking about men here, we will stick to the topic. If you don’t know what you want, chances are we don’t either! So take some time and think about what you are looking for. Are you really ready for the long term relationship which takes time, effort and energy? Or are you just looking for a booty call, or maybe just casual dating. All of the above are okay with us. But you need to know which category you fall under, because there is a girl out there for every one of those scenarios. However, if you don’t know what you want, how the hell do you expect us to know?? And if you don’t know, this is when all those weird mixed messages and signals drive us insane! So put down the beer and shut off the game and take a walk and ask yourself what the fuck do I want? When you’re ready, trust me, we’ll still be here. =)

2 comments:

Jamie G. said...

This is wuzzup with the mixed signals...

Grace I feel compelled to post a rebuttal on behalf of men… Not directly at Grace but to women who are equally confused.

To quote Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino.. "You don't go to a guys house at 5 in the morning and expect to play checkers"

First of all dating is one huge real life GAME with real life consequences. My life changed when I learned that and when I realized than men and women are more similar than we both realize. From the way you open a conversation to the amount of time you give in between responses to text messages is just moving another piece on the chess board. My point is that women are equally if not more guilty than men of playing dating games. That’s why its referred to as "having game"
Now, by putting out less doesn’t mean he’ll try harder. In fact by putting out less many of us are more inclined to go for option B that may require less effort. But the biggest question is, was there more than just a purely physical attraction? If there was and he sees you as girlfriend material than he will be willing to try harder. Sometimes it really comes down to “He’s just not that into you” On the opposite end of that if we are only physically attracted to you, there are only so many times we are going to open our wallets and listen to you ramble on about your friends cat and your little sister’s Bieber Fever before we move “On to the next one”
“Then there are guys who actually like a girl but will pretend not to be interested why? Are you afraid of rejection?” First I’ll answer the later, YES! Many of us are deathly afraid of rejection and will only approach without you giving some kind of indicator that you are interested in us. It’s actually a primal fear from caveman days. In a tribe of 50men/50 women, we would only have one chance to approach a woman in the group. If we failed, word would spread quickly around the women that we failed and no other women would want us. In this worst case scenario we would not be socially accepted and die without reproducing and passing our genes on to the next generation. Since mans primary objective is to #1 Survive and #2 Reproduction. Failure to reproduce is failure of life and your genes are whipped from the gene pool. Sometimes we’re just shy and scared. So if you see a guy you like go say hi!
My favorite part is the “Sometimes we don’t act interested” True, sometimes we’re shy, but some of us know what we’re doing and it’s exactly what we mean to do. Women enjoy games and a chase more than men. Here is an example of the games you women love to play. Hot girls know they’re hot, they’ve been fighting guys off since middle school. They want a challenge, not that average chump who says the generic “you have nice eyes” but a guy they have to actually put in a little work to get. Every 9,10 and 11 I ever had was by acting like I just wasn’t that into them. Not by being a dick, it’s a fine line to walk. Now I’m not going to get into a tutorial on pickup here but it’s common knowledge “You never let a girl know how much you like her, because once you do she’ll drop you like that” That’s a quote from Dazed and Confused. Another example of that in pop culture is from family guy when Stewie asks Olivia out (youtube it!) In a perfect world there would be no games but the inconvenient truth is that it is all one big game. Women like assholes… you do. And women play games just like guys it’s all one big game that’s no different from any other. Practice makes perfect.

Anonymous said...

Grace,

"I think part of the problem here is that in a lot of cases men just don’t know what they want. I guess this goes for men and women though."

The part above was about as blunt as it gets. Spot on, the only thing I dont agree with is when a man is ready you will still be around. This is for all men, grow some balls and man up to a women like this. If a woman is beautiful, intelligent, friendly, and to boot writes well. Maybe spend the time to learn more about her while becoming a better person yourself. All I see is disposable relationships by less than sincere suitors. The world of ADD man in a semi-weird courtship is upon us. So extend your time that you are willing to commit in the search of love, friendship, companionship, it could be worth it...

When someone says the most important thing in life is money, power, position, status, enlightenment, faith...I say that’s crap the one thing that will affect you most in life is a companion worthy of the relationship you build together. It's not a game when you play Russian roulette with all the chambers full. You pick the bullets ad name them what you like. Fatal flaws, narcissism, insecurity, quirks, allergies, addictions…..

I bet this girl is a pianist and ballerina. Would it really matter, could you still fuck it up...? That the deal bro!!!! Man up stop being a douche fist pumping, Ed hardy wearing, ADD pompous bag of hammers with a sense of entitlement..! I am a alpha telling you find your omega already.

From a concerned reader...

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