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Tuesday, November 2, 2010

What it Takes to Win a Date with Amanda

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First and foremost, I’ve had my fairshare of boyfriends, douchebags, golddiggers, stage 5-clingers, and psychos.Nowadays, it seems almost impossible to settle down and have a relationshipbecause guys just need to GET A CLUE! Here are some of my standards that mustbe met before I even think TWICE about a guy:

1. He must either attend school with goals and ambition, or have a full-time,well-paying job. You think I’m a golddigger? No. I don’t want a guy, like oneof my previous boyfriends, asking me for money here and there. It’s calledchivalry. Look it up.

2. He must be family-oriented. If a guy has no relationship with his familywhatsoever, that’s a red flag for emotional problems in the long run. I can’tdeal with a guy that can’t take me home to his parents and actually care aboutwho he’s bringing home. Maybe it’s the way I was brought up, but I value myparents’ opinion and so shouldn’t my boyfriends parents.

3. If he goes tanning on the daily, gels his hair, and looks like he takes morecare of himself them me, well you should just send him to Machine, the gay clubup the street from my college, because that’s just a hop, skip and a jump fromcoming out of the closet. Either that or he has major insecurities and quitefrankly, girls have enough issues to deal with than to put up with a guy withno balls.


4. Bedazzles NEED to go. If you take a woman on a date, there is no reason whyyou should not want to impress the hell out of her. That means, if you plan onwearing a bedazzled Affliction tee-shirt, then you might as well turn aroundand fist-pump all the way home because she’s not going to want anything morefrom you than a nice vodka-cran to ease her pain of her poor decision-making.

5. If a guy thinks that he can buy his way to your heart, then I truly feel badfor him. A real woman wouldn’t let a guy buy her everything. I’ve had multipleinstances where a guy gives me his credit card and says, “You can buy whateveryour little heart desires … if you be my girlfriend.” Honestly, vomit comes tomind. What makes a guy think that you can just do that? That just means thatyou have nothing better to offer than your large bank account. Don’t get mewrong, it’s nice to buy things for your “girl,” but keep your dignity you stagefiver!

6. God forbid a girl has guy friends. Guys can’t handle a confident, social,outgoing woman with many guy friends. Why? Because they’re self-consciousthemselves. I once had a boyfriend that told me he “couldn’t handle me.” Inother words, he couldn’t handle me hanging out with “the boys” and play videogames, watch football and entourage, play football/soccer, or sit and relax. Hetold me to go paint my nails or something… you know what happened to him? NEXT!I mean what kind of guy doesn’t want a girl that can chill with the guys? Pft,beats me!

7. Guys need to let a girl be herself. If he can’t handle that, then walk home,go on match.com and find some homely, little girl from Kansas who’s shelteredand thinks a club is something that rich people are apart of. If a girl wantsto go out and have fun with her friends, let her! The biggest turnoff is a guythat thinks he can control the shit out of his girl. That just pushes girlsaway and makes them think you’re a psycho-freak. If you don’t have trust, youdon’t have anything, GOODBYE!

8. This one’s for the players; Women AREN’T dumb (unless you’re Sammiesweetheart LOL). We know when you’re playing us and we know when you’re lying.To be honest, I think that women are becoming better at the game than you guys.If you’re going to play a girl, make sure you don’t try to get with her girlsbecause, newsflash, we talk to each other! On the other hand, us girls are alittle smarter and make sure we cover up our tracks. ;) JUST SAYIN’.

I could honestly go on for days, but I’m sure you get the gist of this. Thereason why I’m single? Take a look above, find a guy that fits those standards,and is obviously good-looking, and introduce me because I have given up! 

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If you have any rants or stories that you would like to share, please contact Ben at www.facebook.com/TotallyBenGoodman

15 comments:

Jess said...

Ahahaha Amanda is AWESOME, I totally concur!

deanna buonomo said...

LMAO amanda, you are legit me. And you NEED to publish this like on a poster.. I can't stop laughing and its all so true!!! love youuu

Anonymous said...

Most guys want a girl who isnt wasting time doing this kind of stuff and is doing something productive.....hehehe

The Deal said...

How is writing out something funny that everyone can read not being productive? I think it's friggin' sexy that a girl can articulate her thoughts so well. I laughed out loud when this was sent in. Girls who can write = sexy.

Nikki said...

HAHAH AMEN on the Bedazzled comment!!! I am ALWAYS saying that... I was actually fairly kind to this one guy, not sarcastic at all and said, what's with the bedazzled t-shirt? He just looked at me with horror in his eyes like it was the most insulting thing he'd ever heard! C'mon man if you're more sensitive and insecure than I am then this is never gonna work. If IM not wearing little gems on my clothing then you certainly sure as hell shouldn't be!!

Jimmy G said...

Pretty good read. Good to see girls calling out the clowns that seem to be running rampant.

hoey G said...

who the fuck would wanna go on a date with this bitch anyway...shes a 5 at best...real talk

Brian Nault said...

Hoey i think i speak for everyone when i say ur a fuckin loser... your prob the asshole that got his heart broken by a fat girl in the third grade and just never got over it. have fun playin with your own cock tonite

The Deal said...

really Hoey? She's a five? You're either the coolest dude ever getting fives like that or you're a fuckin' loser hiding behind a computer screen that's jealous that this "five" put you in your place. I'm gonna go with the latter. I pull some pretty hot fuckin' girls and Amanda is def as sexy as any of them. Go find a gun and be someone.

Amanda Ferlisi said...

LOL a five? i remember when i hid behind a computer screen :)

julie said...

lolololol love it bedazzle outfits got to go!! fist pump ur way home!!! lol omg well said girl!!!!! but don't give up just dont date guys u meet at clubs!! cuz u summed them up perfectly above lol : )

Jason said...

I agree with you all the way. I've been single for over a year. Luckily my dog is good company. It's tough out there, it's also kind of annoying hearing about crappy guys, when girls overlook the good ones. If you ever want to be treated like a real woman and appreciated for who you are, please look me up. I would post my full name to look up on facebook, but I like to be discreet. So here is my email, what do you have to lose? It's just an email. Besides it sounds like it couldn't get any worse.

Amanda Ferlisi said...

you didnt leave an email?

Jay said...

Sorry about that, I figured my name would link to it. djayrazor@gmail.com :)

Anonymous said...

Many guys fill in the categories women want…there is just some futile details that everyone can and must ignore.
For the part 6, I think that you can go ahead with your other’s guys, if you want your boyfriend disrespect you and give you no value, cause there’s much other ways to pass him a message than flirting with another meat.
For the part 7, you can’t judge that a guy is letting you being yourself in the first dating period, try concentrate your energie to create conditions to make the relation grows day by day.
For the 8, I want to say that players are not twisters; they are intelligent normal cool guys who want to date women in good conditions for both parts, plz don’t mix up players with liars.

PS: If a guy says to you what I said…Date him,
i wish you a good pleasurable healthy relationship…babye (jawdff@hotmail.fr)

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