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Thursday, October 7, 2010

It's All Psych 101, Bro...

By Benny Trrouble Goodman 

Nobody is going to make it happen for you other than you.  The way you can make anything happen for yourself, any goal at all, is your ability to understand the tasks at hand and the variables involved in achieving those tasks.  The more you can understand the variables and how you can actively manipulate them, the better chance you have of making shit go down.  Let me preface the following by explaining that you are in control of whether you can make your life happen.  I’m not saying that friends, serendipity, and karma don’t all play a role in how life happens, but for the most part, or at least within the realm of your humanly control, you are the only person whose going to make things rock n’ roll.  With that said, this philosophy can be applied to pretty much anything: becoming a good guitar player, learning Spanish, maybe understanding how law works.  Albeit those things may be cool, here we are going to focus on the concept that you can engage and win over so many types of women if you understand, for the most part, how they work.  I’m not saying that every girl is gonna dig you because of what’s written here, but the more you understand each situation as it plays out in your life, the more you are able to control the variables and make what you desire a reality.

I have to be careful in how I explain myself because there are a few things that need to be understood first: no two people are the same.  Not every girl is going to respond to you in the same way.  Some may not respond at all.  The things that are universal relate more to human emotion and our natural propensity to do things the way we do because of how we feel.  What it comes down to is its all psychology.  What attracts someone to another, how we are able to engage each other and why we do so the way that we do all comes down to our psychology.  Although not all women are the same, many women work in the same ways and follow similar patterns that can be understood and reacted to.  Let’s call this concept forensic chickology.  I mean, not dissimilar to an episode of Law and Order: SVU, every girl is a case that can be cracked if you look at all of the clues and understand all of the underlying factors in how they work, think, act, dress…all of these things can give us essential information in how we can successfully approach them, communicate with them, and show them the value we have to offer.

The more we are able to understand about the women we are trying to attract, the better chance we have of winning over their attention and hopefully, their affection.  My mom used to always say “never judge a book by its cover,” but if that’s all you have to work with then it becomes a good start in understanding how to approach the situation.  Let me put forth a note of caution before we go any further…judging people based solely on their looks, what they wear, and their demeanor can certainly give you an insight into that person but it becomes a slippery slope in the sense that some information may be misleading or might not even reflect who that person truly is at all.  Let’s, for example, take Maria.  Maria is in her mid twenties, she’s rockin’ a Louis Vuitton bag, expensive clothes, her nails are done, and she looks like she just walked out of a Cosmopolitan magazine shoot.  We can look at a few different things: number one, she takes care of herself.  She clearly has fashion sense and invests at least a part of her energy in ensuring she looks good.  This could be indicative of a few things: she’s either high maintenance, rich, a model, or she’s forced to look good because she works in a high profile law office (just as an example).  We do not know which way to go with this but certainly one of the aforementioned scenarios probably holds true.  Is there a chance that some hippie girl works on State Street in Boston and is subjected to looking that way…sure, anything can happen, but I would find it hard to believe that a girl with a “hippie” disposition would carry a Louis Vuitton bag and be dressed to the nines because that mentality sort of neglects what Maria is exuding, at least on a surface level. 
Now some might say that judging Maria on her looks alone is a shallow way of going about things.  If this is you, you’re right.  We have to take on the perspective of a profiler in that we need to synthesize all of the clues that we have been given and begin to draw some meaningful conclusions.  Maybe you notice that Maria is wearing a Rolex and she has a big, honkin’ diamond on her ring finger.  Chances are she is either affluent or is married to a guy who is.  She also might wear a ring on her finger just to chase off guys but we should never assume this.  Usually, if you see a wedding ring, I suggest running for cover.  Avoiding unnecessary drama at all costs is how I suggest conducting your business, but how you approach the situation is up to…well…you!  We cannot fully understand Maria as a person just based on how she looks but what we can do is draw some conclusions based on the information in front of our face.  We already know she must have money or is privy to spending someone else’s money.  We also know that she takes care in how she presents herself and we know that such things as carrying an expensive handbag or wearing a four thousand dollar watch have a tendency of being status symbols.  Just knowing this, unless you’re prepared to pull out the big guns or have an understanding of how girls like this work, she might not be the most approachable girl on the street.

That’s not to say that someone like Maria couldn’t be attracted to a rocker guy or a thug, you don’t control who you’re into, but it does give us a better idea of how to get into her frame of mind and how you might go about approaching her.  Looking at the details can be advantageous in putting together a plan of attack.  Maybe you are behind her in line at a coffee shop and you notice that her watch is a Rolex Sub-Mariner.  Noticing the type of watch may give you an opener like “hey, I really dig the sub mariner, where did you get it?”  Just by knowing what type of watch she is wearing may project that you have a clue of what her world is like.  By getting into Maria’s frame of mind you are opening up doors into understanding more about her.  Another opener, which will also give us some important information (like, does she have a boyfriend) would be to notice her ring.  I’d make a comment like “wow, that’s a beautiful diamond, someone must love you.”  Now, not every girl is gonna love that comment.  Some might get annoyed because tons of guys ask them.  On the other hand, she might be excited to talk about it because, let’s be real, what girl wears a 4 carat diamond ring and doesn’t want it to be noticed?  In response, Maria may say something to the extent of “my fiancé gave it to me in Greece when he proposed, he did a good job,” or “it was my grandmothers, it’s been passed down through three generations.”  Either way, you learn the necessary information to make a step forward or to walk away.
We could delve much more into the Maria scenario, but there are some other things we should look at first.  There are some key factors we can look for in the hopes of understanding what type of person we are dealing with.  Maybe you see some girl on the street, she’s wearing a Megadeth tour shirt and has tattoos all over.  Chances are she’s probably a metal girl.  Unless she’s just trying to be a poseur, we also know she likes Megadeth.  So how can we approach this situation?  You can ask her where she saw Megadeth and what she thought of their new guitarist?  You could ask her where she got her tattoos done.  The point is, pay attention to the friggin’ details and let them help you in the same way a cheat sheet on a test with all of the formulas may help you.  Still, understand that she may get annoyed because EVERY guy asks about her tattoos.  If she’s covered head to toe, you probably aren’t the first to mention it.  If you have a ton of your own, it might be a better approach than if you have none to show for yourself because then it looks like you are just grasping at straws.  The point to take away from  this is seeing if you have anything you can relate with the girl you are approaching and taking the time to anticipate how they might react based on how they present themselves.

The whole idea is to use your intuition and the information right in front of your face to help open the girl up and hopefully learn more about her and maybe, just maybe, keep her attention long enough to get her number or nail her down for a date.  Being perceptive is so important in how you conduct yourself because being anticipatory, strategic, and tactful in your approach lessens your chances of getting shut down.  Let me also say, we ALL get shut down sometimes.  All of us!  There are some girls that just want nothing to do with you, you know the type, they have a boyfriend on lockdown or maybe they just like the girls themselves and you offer up no value to them.  The point is: move on.  Don’t let it get you down because it’s about paying your dues.  It can also help you hone in on your skills and breakdown what you did wrong so that next time you are in a better position to make shit happen. 

Takeaways:
At the end of the day, what I’m trying to hammer home is pay attention to the details.  Notice the little things.  Use those clues to your advantage and draw meaningful conclusions.  The more you are able to do this successfully, the better your ability to open women will become.  It is also important to reiterate that no two girls are the same so what works one time may not work the next.  The most important thing you can do is stay focused, keep your eye on the prize, and realize you control your own destiny.  Now make it happen…

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